[영어] Dear Abby 8 - 20220226

 

Mom-Friends Take Different Paths in Providing for Kids

DEAR ABBY: I met my friend "Ashley" and her daughter three years ago. Our daughters are 9 years old. Ashley makes good money and is married. I'm a single mom. I do well as a registered nurse, but I'm not on her level when it comes to money.

We all get along great and have a lot in common. However, Ashley buys her daughter, "Mimi," a lot. Every time we go out, she buys Mimi something. If I buy a gift for my daughter for her birthday, Christmas, etc., Ashley buys the same thing for Mimi. I got my daughter into ice skating three years ago. Ashley then proceeded to buy her daughter professional ice skates, accessories, skating costumes, private lessons and entered her in skate club, shows and competitions.

Needless to say, my daughter is sometimes jealous of all the things Mimi gets. For me, it's not about the money. It's the principle that I'm not going to spoil my daughter like that. I remind my daughter she's still more fortunate than a lot of other children and she should appreciate what she has.

Should I cut ties with Ashley? Should I mention my concerns to her? Or are my daughter and I overreacting? -- DOING WELL ENOUGH

 

 

 

DEAR DOING WELL: I don't think you or your daughter are overreacting. In life, you -- and she -- will always encounter people who have more material things than you. (The reverse may also be true.) Because this is happening regularly, I can see why your daughter feels as she does.

If it happened occasionally, I might respond differently, but you wrote that this is a frequent occurrence. A conversation with Ashley is in order. If your relationship survives the conversation, consider socializing with her but doing your gift-buying privately.

 

 

•  I'm not on her level when it comes to money : 돈에 있어서 그녀만큼은 벌지 못한다는 뜻
• We all get along great and have a lot in common : 우리는 잘 지내고 있고 공통점이 많다
• Needless to say : 말할 필요도 없이 (당연히)
• cut ties with : ~와의 관계를 끊다
• A conversation with Ashley is in order : in order는 적법한, 제대로 된, 이라는 뜻이므로 Ashley와 대화를 하는 게 먼저라는 뜻

 

싱글맘인 여자가 자신의 친구인 Ashley가 있는데, 그녀가 돈을 많이 벌고 딸이 있어서 자주 물건을 사줄 수 있다. 자신이 딸에게 무언가를 사주면 친구가 똑같이 딸에게 사주는 데다가 다른 것도 많이 사주다보니 딸이 부러워하기도 해서 곤란해하고 있다. (돈도 충분하지 않은데, 사달라는 것을 다 사주면 아이를 망칠까봐 싫어하는 것으로 보임.)

 

Dear Abby for February 26, 2022

 

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have never had the best relationship. It has only gotten worse since my dad passed in 2020, followed by my brother, who passed in 2021. My uncle, Mom's younger brother, also passed in 2021. My problem is that Mom acts like I have no right to grieve. This is all HER grief and HER pain -- she has actually told me as much. She has said, more than once, that she doesn't know why I bother to get so upset.

I'm seeing a counselor, but I'm having a hard time forgiving her behavior. I lost my father and my brother! Worse, she tells her friends I don't care about these losses. Please advise. -- GRIEVING AND HEARTBROKEN

 

DEAR GRIEVING: Continue talking with your counselor not only about your deep sense of grief over the loss of your dad and your brother, but also about your relationship with your mother. Not knowing her, I cannot decide whether she is deep into her own grief or simply so deep into herself that she can't relate to you. I am sorry you didn't mention your age or whether you live with her, but it's important that you work on becoming, at the very least, emotionally independent from her.

 

• My problem is that Mom acts like I have no right to grieve.
  내 문제는 나에게 슬퍼할 권리가 없는 것처럼 엄마가 행동한다는 것입니다.
  
  
• She doesn't know why I bother to get so upset.
  bother은 신경쓰다, 거슬려하다라는 뜻이어서 잘 이해가 되지 않았다. 문맥 상 엄마가 왜 내가 그렇게 화를 내는지 이해하지 못한다는 뜻이다. bother to get so upset는 화가 나서 신경쓰인다처럼 해석해서 '화가 많이 나있다'로 볼 수 있다.
  
  
• Not knowing her, I cannot decide whether she is deep into her own grief or simply so deep into herself that she can't relate to you
  (바로 해석) 내가 그녀를 알지 못해서, 그녀가 자신의 슬픔에 잠겨있는 것인지, 아니면 그녀 자체에 집중하고 있어서 너를 전혀 신경쓰지 못하는 것인지 알 수 없다.
  
  
• you work on becoming, at the very least, emotionally independent from her
  work on -ing 는 노력하다, 공을 들이다 로 해석해서 최소한 어머니에게 감정적으로 독립을 하도록 노력해야한다는 말이다.