[Dear abby] 230205

Older Sister Can't Keep Politics Out of Friendly Visits

DEAR ABBY: My older sister visits me every week to play cards and chat. While I love her dearly and enjoy her visits, sometimes I do not appreciate one topic she brings up.
We are on different ends of the political spectrum. Although I never initiate a conversation about the candidate she voted for in the last election, she never misses an opportunity to debase my choice for the same office. It's distressing, and I nearly cried the last time she made a derogatory remark about him. When she doesn't bring up politics, we have a wonderful time. Why does she do this? Is she clueless about how much this bothers me? I am a quiet person who doesn't like confrontation or making others feel bad, so I generally just nod my head or listen without saying anything. I sometimes dread seeing her because I never know if she is going to bring up politics. Do you have a polite, nonconfrontational way of making her stop? -- OPPOSITE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR OPPOSITE: Yes, I do: Quit nodding your head and establish some ground rules with Sissy. Tell her that you love her company but that the pejorative political comments must stop. Make clear that you want politics off the table when she visits because the subject is so upsetting, and that if she cannot comply, you will be seeing her less often. Period! Standing up for yourself is not being confrontational. You are long overdue for that brief chat. If you cannot do this, then stop blaming her, and be prepared for more -- much more -- of the same.

 

debase : 모독하다

derogatory : 경멸하는, 비판적인

confrontation : 대립, 대치

dread (+ing) : 몹시 두려워하다

off the table : 논외인, 더 고려하지 않는

long overdue : 한참 전에 행해졌어야 할

 

여동생과 매주 만나서 카드게임과 대화를 하지만 정치적인 얘기를 할 때는 너무 많이 싸워서 힘들다는 내용.

답변 : 그녀에게 힘들다는 점을 명확히 말하고 그녀가 응하지 않는다면 자주 보지 마라. 그렇게 하지 못하겠으면 그녀에게 불만을 갖지 말고 똑같이 준비해라.

 

 

Friction Develops Between Friends' Lifestyle Choices

 

DEAR ABBY: How do I keep my frugal friend from meddling? I enjoy her friendship, but our lives are not the same. I married a well-to-do man, and I haven't had to work, although I'm still careful about what I spend, and I try to find bargains on food, clothing, kids' items and travel. My friend is single and she's always finding ways to cut corners. What she doesn't realize is that her advice becomes unwanted after a while.
An example: We went grocery shopping and, when I tried to buy a turkey, she went on and on about how much money I could save by catching the sale at the next store. If I mention that my husband and I are going out to dinner, she insists on telling me how much money I could save if I cooked more often at home. It is endless. I have told her in so many words I don't need advice about money and, while I admire her thriftiness, I do just fine by myself. I try to steer the conversations away from these subjects, but it's hard to give her the details of what I do without getting some retort that her way is better. I rarely ask for her advice; she just gives it. What can I say that won't end our friendship yet will get the point across? -- TIRED OF CLIPPING COUPONS IN OHIO
DEAR TIRED: The answer to your question may have more to do with what you don't say than what you do. If you have already told your friend that you are managing well and living within your means, from now on stop telling her all the details of your life that have to do with shopping, travel and entertainment outside of what you do together. If that doesn't work, then you may have to use the direct approach and explain that what she's doing, although it's well-intentioned, bothers you and it has to stop.

 

meddle : 간섭하다, 건드리다

bargains on : 여기서는 싸게 사는 물건을 의미하는 것으로 보임

cut corners : 경비를 절감하다 / 다른 뜻으로는 대충 해치우다

in so many words : 누누이 

without getting some retort that her way is better : retort가 응수, 쏘아붙이기라는 뜻이므로 그녀의 방식이 더 낫다는 응수를 받지 않으면서~ 라는 뜻

get the point across : 의미를 전달하다.

 

싱글인 자기 친구가 결혼해서 일을 하지 않는 자신에게 일일이 경제관념에 대해 지적해서 스트레스 받는다는 내용.

답변: 그 친구에게 너무 사생활을 알리지 말라. 그럼에도 불구하고 먹히지 않으면 직접적으로 불편하다고 말하자.